Understanding

We respond to our perception of others’ actions, despite not knowing their motivation, intention or the accuracy of execution of their intended action or how our response will be understood.

We perceive monsters which are just mistakes or gifts which are poison to the touch. Our interpretation of the world that others live in is based on surmise and is skewed by our own attitude and experience.

We should not assume intention or motive without question. Such question needs fine crafting to avoid accusation.

Yet pain and misery make some lash out and hurt regardlessly, maybe somehow to ease their pain. They make relationships hostage to their wellbeing without regard for the damage, to salve their wounds, which are often imagined, nevertheless painful.

Happily conversations between familiars are usually open and easy, not requiring deep scrutiny as to meaning and motive.

How do we deal with suspicious, unhappy, antagonistic or rude acquaintances who are in our social circle?

I asked Dr Google:

No one can hurt you without your consent. It is not what happens to us that hurts us. It is our response that hurts us.

Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.

Just keep it superficial, keep your interactions brief, keep it positive…and move along quickly.

Don’t try to fix them, don’t give them ammunition, and move on.

It takes a great degree of self-control not to respond to accusation or insult from an unhappy person. Somehow find a way to deflect, duck or ignore the lashing out, which is a way of making you feel the pain being suffered. Not easy and often a lack of response acts as a spur.

Some people need to be persuaded that there are better views of themselves and the world.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy helps one to take a different view of history which enable more positive feelings.

The trick is to persuade the person that there is help. Pride is a terrible thing and is a defence against being laughed at or pitied, which are almost the worst social experiences.